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Myfanwy 2

June 2018



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Jack of All Trades

Jack of All Trades
Author: Milady Dragon
Series: Dragon-Verse
Rating: PG
Pairing(s): Jack/Ianto
Warnings: Language
Spoilers: None really
Disclaimer:  I don't own Torchwood, I would have treated it better. 
Author's note:  This is another short story, and I'm using one of my Long Live Ianto Bingo Prompts for it...the prompt is "Do it Yourself".  This takes place immediately after Destination Cardiff.

Summary:  Jack volunteers to help Alice with a plumbing leak...and of course they can't spend any time together without a Rift alert....

28 June 2008


“You’re kidding!”  Alice was trying very hard not to laugh, but it was a lost effort.

Ianto rolled his eyes, nudging Jack with his foot.  His mate was headfirst under Alice’s kitchen sink, but that didn’t stop Jack’s voice from traveling up to the dragon and his daughter as they stood, watching. 

“I’m not,” Jack answered, his laughter echoing up from the confines of the cupboard. 

“An actual film crew camped out on the Plass, hoping to catch sight of some mysterious dragon?” Alice chortled.  “And here I thought you were careful, Ianto.”

“I usually am,” Ianto sniffed, even though he was enjoying the good-natured teasing.  “I could hardly help it if some tourist happened to get a horrible picture of me on the Millennium Centre roof.”

“I’m going to be recording that episode,” Alice laughed.  “Although I’m sure you made certain they didn’t find anything.”

“They did find some alien tourists,” Jack put in.

“No way!”

“Are you two quite finished giving me grief?” Ianto griped. 

“Nope,” Alice answered, grinning.  “This is such great material.”

There was a thump, then a muffled curse from under the sink.  “You should come out with us some night,” Jack said.  “We’ll do karaoke.”

“Are you okay under there, Dad?” Alice asked, suddenly concerned.

“Just fine,” Jack answered brightly.  “Can someone hand me a towel, please?”

Ianto reached over to grab a dish towel from the sideboard.  He passed it to Jack’s waiting hand.  “Are you sure we couldn’t have had a professional come in?”

“I’ll have you know,” Jack huffed, “I’ve been doing jobs like this in the Hub for years.  A simple leaking sink doesn’t even compare to a burst pipe in the lower levels.”

“If you say so, Dad,” Alice agreed, smirking.  She met Ianto’s eyes, and made a circle at her temple with her finger. 

Ianto had to agree.

“Jack’s right,” the dragon said, “you’re more than welcome to come out with the team sometime.  I know Toshiko and Owen would love to see you again.”

“I’d like that.  But what about your other team member?  Won’t she wonder who I am?”

Ianto considered.  It was true, Gwen had no idea that Alice even existed, and he no idea how she would react to Jack keeping that big a secret from her, especially if the rest of the team already were in the know. 

As if Jack was reading his mind, his mate said, “I don’t give a rat’s ass what Gwen thinks.  She doesn’t run my life, and she has no say in what I tell her or don’t.  She doesn’t have to come with us if she doesn’t want to.”

Ianto wanted to hug his mate.  It hadn’t even been a year – in the proper timeline – when Jack had catered to Gwen.  That had all changed, and Ianto couldn’t have been happier about it.  He would maintain that Gwen could be a good field agent, and she has proved herself in many ways, but she wasn’t blameless in the keeping secrets department. 

“Then count on it,” Alice replied, smiling. 

“I’ll call you with details,” Ianto offered.  “But I should warn you: Jack only wants to go to karaoke so I’ll sing.”

“I’m not the best singer in the world, but if you want to do a duet…”

Ianto was touched by the offer.  “I’d be honoured, Alice, if you would.  Singing with family is always something that I will want to do.”

There was another thump, then a clank and yet a second muffled curse.  Ianto was getting a bit worried about just what Jack was doing underneath there.  He hoped Alice’s plumbing survived the experience.

“Should I be concerned?” Alice asked, unconsciously echoing Ianto’s own thoughts.

“Not at all,” Jack assured her.  He turned his upper body just enough so his head came out from within the cabinet.  He had a wide grin on his face.  “I have everything under control.”  Then he ducked back under the sink.

“I should warn you,” Ianto said calmly, “that, while Jack can pilot fifteen types of spacecraft, he has a tendency to blow up microwave ovens.”

“You say that now?” Alice exclaimed.

“Hey, now!” Jack shouted.  A bang sounded, and he pulled out from under the sink, one hand rubbing his forehead.   “I resent the implication that I can’t handle 21st Century technology!”

“I love you, Jack, but I’ve had to replace ten microwaves in nearly eight years.”

“They weren’t all my fault!  Owen’s not exactly innocent in all that!”

Alice was, once again, trying hard not to laugh.  Ianto raised an eyebrow in his mate’s direction.  “I know exactly the number of times Owen has done damage, and even with the times he’s tried to heat up biological experiments the number doesn’t even come close to yours.  And, apparently the Queen has gotten wind of the expenditures, and has mentioned it.”

Jack snorted.  “Lizzie loves me.  I’m sure once you explained, everything was fine.”

“We were put on a microwave allowance, Jack!  We’re now only allowed to replace it every two years!”

Alice lost it, laughing so hard she had to lean against the counter to support herself.  “You really are just like an old married couple,” she managed to say, once the laughter was under control.

“I resent being called old,” Jack pouted.

“I hate to say it Jack,” Ianto replied, “but we both are old.”

“You’re older than me!”

Ianto shook his head.  “You are so vain, Jack Harkness.”  He turned to look at Alice.  “Remind me to tell you his reaction to the grey hair he found the other morning.”

“Oh, please do!”

“Yeah, let’s pick on the captain, while he’s head-first into the plumbing…”

Ianto knelt and craned his head around just enough to be able to press a light kiss to Jack’s mouth.  “You know you love the attention.”

“It’s the wrong sort of attention, Jones!”

“I hate to break up the tender scene,” Alice said, “but I’d like to be able to use my sink before Steven comes home from his friend’s house for lunch.”

“I’m just about done.”  Jack went back under the sink.   “If you would both stop heckling me, I’d be finished a lot sooner.”  He mumbled something else that even Ianto’s superior dragon hearing didn’t understand.

It wasn’t even a few minutes later, when Ianto felt the familiar build-up that signaled… “We have a Rift Spike, Jack.”

“Damnit!  Hold on…”

“I can call a professional, Dad,” Alice volunteered.  “I know you have to work.”

There was a distinctive beep from Jack’s Vortex Manipulator, backing up Ianto’s sense of the Rift, and not even a second later Ianto’s mobile rang. 

He pulled it from his pocket.  “Hello, Tosh,” he greeted, not even having to look at the caller ID.

“I don’t know why I bother to call you about the Rift,” the tech expert replied. 

Ianto chuckled.  “Because you just want to talk to me.”

“Yes, I’m sure that’s it.”  He could hear the sheer dryness in her tone even over the phone connection.  “I wouldn’t call you, but the spike is within ten miles of you, which makes it closer to you than to the Hub.  Gwen’s in the area too, so Owen’s calling to let her know about it, too.”

Ianto wished she hadn’t called Gwen, but didn’t say anything.  “All right, we’ll pick her up and head on over to the location.  Can you text it to me?”

There was a pause.  “It’s on its way.”  A beep sounded in his ear, signaling the information on the spike.  “Readings say it’s small, and definitely inorganic.”

“Should be a piece of cake then.”  He thought they could let Gwen do most of the retrieval, and see just what she’d learned.  To be fair, Gwen hadn’t really handled many retrievals and Ianto was curious to see how she did things. 

While Jack had been gone, Ianto had not been as focused on training as he had in playing with individual strengths, and for that he and Toshiko had done more of the retrievals, leaving Owen and Gwen in the Hub, monitoring the situation.  It wouldn’t be the first retrieval she’d been on, but it would be the first one Jack had seen her on since he’d left.   It was time for her to show off the skills she’d learned.

Jack practically catapulted out from under the sink.  “Of course the bloody Rift goes off today!” he groused.  He reached over and pulled Alice into a hug.  “Sorry, sweetheart.”

“It’s fine, Dad,” Alice said, returning the hug.  “You realize if this had happened a year ago I’d be thoroughly pissed off at you.”

“Then I’m glad it didn’t.”  He looked at Ianto.  “You have everything we need?”

Ianto nodded.  “We’re on our way, Tosh.”

“Sorry, guys.  And say hello to Alice for me, huh?”

“Sure will.”  Ianto hung up, and gave Alice Toshiko’s message.  “She’s sorry she had to call us, but we’re closest to the spike.”

“Let me know what the plumber charges,” Jack said, “and I’ll pay for some of it, since I did promise I’d fix the problem.”

“That’s fine, I know duty calls.”

“Still, let me know, okay?”  He kissed her forehead, and then made his way out of the kitchen.  Ianto followed after giving Alice his own hug and promising to call her with plans for going out with the team.

They left the house, and climbed into the SUV, Jack pulling on his greatcoat as he got into the driver’s seat.  “And here I was hoping for a quiet day with our daughter.”

“She understands, Jack.”

“I know, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting it.”

Ianto rested a hand on Jack’s thigh.  “Me, too.”

“So, where are we heading?”  Jack backed out of the driveway and into the street. 

Ianto told him.


The Rift readings had led them to a field in the middle of an industrial park, surrounded by plain commercial buildings.  The area was like a large bald patch in the middle of concrete and asphalt, and for some reason it made Ianto a little nervous.  He couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong; perhaps it was silence amid the obvious busy complex, or something that he just didn’t have words for. 

Gwen climbed out of the back seat, her scanner already in hand.  She looked excited about doing the retrieval, and Ianto couldn’t blame her.  She’d learned everything she needed to know, and now it was time to show off a bit.

One of Gwen’s weaknesses Ianto had noticed was her tendency to step in quickly without carefully checking the situation over first, and so he stopped her before she could go much farther.  “Now, remember everything you’ve learned,” he cautioned.  “Just follow procedures and you’ll do fine.”

She looked a little put off by his comment.  “I can handle it,” she practically snapped. 

“I didn’t say you couldn’t.  I simply warned you to be cautious.”

“You can never know what a particular artefact is,” Jack added.  “It could be anything.  So don’t assume you know what’s going to happen.”

Gwen nodded, seemingly content to take advice from Jack; but then, she always had done.  Gwen had gotten a bit better, but she still baulked at following what Ianto would say.  He wondered if she’d ever be willing to listen to him.

Scanner out, Gwen began taking readings, following the Rift signature toward whatever it was that had been deposited in the field.  Ianto and Jack were right behind her, the dragon’s eyes scanning the ground for any sign of the spike and what it had left behind.  His sense of the Rift was telling him that it was close, but then he was a bit more sensitive than any device that Toshiko might have come up with.  The technician complained that she should just stop making scanners and let Ianto find all the Rift debris himself. 

It didn’t take her long to pinpoint the location of the device.  Jack stood back and let her work, while Ianto kept close without actually looking over her shoulder as she worked.  “The scanner isn’t reading anything,” she reported.  “It’s just a box with a button on it.”

“You can’t be certain of that,” Ianto warned.  “You don’t know what that button is for.”

“Surely if it was dangerous it would give off something?” she argued.  “You know, like Hart’s so-called cluster bombs?  They didn’t give of any sort of radiation or anything that would show they were dangerous.”

She knelt down beside the device, and ran the scanner over it once more.  “There’s no sort of energy reading at all,” she said. 

Before Ianto could stop her, she picked it up…bare-handed.

He was reaching forward to keep her from pushing the button when the world went white.


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OMG!!! Your Gwen is every bit as stupid, stubborn and impulsive as the series Gwen.
Oh good, I'm glad I got her in character then! LOL! *grins*

UPDATE!!!! ^_^ This looks promising, what has Gwen done now?

Oh and good luck with all of your projects. I will wait to read it all :)
Yep, and they should be coming fairly regularly for a bit I think. :)

Oh, you know Gwen...it's the button on the top (oh wait...)

More up in a bit. *grins*
Spoilers, darling. *grins*
Can I say how much I would love to see Alice give Gwen a verbal smackdown? Because I reckon she would, given how recklessly Gwen puts them all in danger.

Love this, but then I think I pretty much love to bits every story in this 'verse. I will be eagerly looking forward to seeing what happens next!
I really do enjoy a good smackdown, and Alice is just the one to do it, I think! *grins*

Thanks, glad you enjoyed like. More up in a bit. :)
Now, you don't want to insult sloths, do you? *laughs*
It was all cute with Jack, Ianto and Alice. Then that happened

Can't wait for more!
What has Gwen done now? Procedures are their for a reason. I can't wait for more.
Omg, Gwen, seriously? You utter twat!
LOL! She is, isn't she? We'll see... *grins*
Stupid Gwen is stupid.
I couldn't have said it better myself. *grins*
Oh dear - never press the button!! Looking forward to seeing what has happened.
If there were no button-pressing, there would be no plot! LOL!

More up in a bit. :)
Buttons are hard, though!!!! They just sit there, being all tempting and everything!!

I'm so glad Dragon!verse is back! Love this series!
Oh, they are! Buttons are Evil! *laughs*

Thanks, hon, I'm really glad you like it. :)
Gwen still needs a slap up side the head. She'd better get it through her thick skull that Ianto knows just as much, if not more sometimes, as Jack and she needs to listen to him instead of constantly trying to prove he's wrong and she's so obviously smarter than him.

Stupid woman! What the hell has she done now?
Oh, she does. Just when you think she might have learned something...

We'll see what she's done, don't worry. :)
Of course! Silly woman, will she ever learn?

Loving the relationship with Jack, Ianto and Alice.
Silly Gwen. Ianto and Alice's heckling was awesome :)
Box? Maybe a wooden box? Like Adam's wooden box???
Ohhhh, soon things are going to be very interesting *_* I'm so curious!
Like always Gwen is a menace: she takes everything personally. If you just want to give her an advice, she takes it like you're insulting her. Well, right now everyone is insulting her in a way or another, but it's her fault for being so stubborn, egocentric and narcissistic.
It would be nice to have her meeting Alice. Jealousy aside, I see Gwen trying to win Alice's favor to have Jack's daughter put a good word for her with the Torchwood Captain.
And Alice... she has a fantastic father-in-law in Ianto, who loves her and Steven very much, so... finally someone is going to smash Gwen's ego once and for all??? A girl can always dream XD
Good guess, but no...Adam's box hasn't shown up yet. This is something completely different.

Oh yes, that's Gwen entirely. And she wouldn't stand a chance against Alice. Alice wouldn't put up with her crap. *nods*

Sweet goddesses I love Jack and Ianto in this verse. . . Gwen not at all *sighs*

I'm still doing the painting of Dragon Ianto too. School work kind of gets in the way.
I'm glad you love the boys in this. Gwen, yeah...but she'd be no fun if she didn't get in trouble! *laughs*

Oh, I cannot wait to see that painting! And I do know about work, it's what keeps me from writing as much as I'd want to!

Thanks! :)
Of course, Gwen can't do anything without blundering in and just touching things without thinking. Ugh, what has she done now that has endangered the world?

I forgot to add that I hope Alice meets Gwen. I cannot WAIT for them to meet because she will put her in her place especially if Gwen tries to belittle Ianto to her. Exciting times are coming!!

Edited at 2012-07-16 03:22 pm (UTC)
Well, yes...that's Gwen for you! We'll see what she's done. *winks*

One day Alice will indeed meet Gwen. And you know it'll be interesting! :)
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