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Myfanwy 2

October 2018



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Myfanwy 2

The Men from TORCHWOOD - Chapter Five

The Men from TORCHWOOD - Chapter Five
Author: Milady Dragon
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Jack/Ianto, Illya Kuryakin/Napoleon Solo; Tosh/Diane, Martha/Tom, other canon pairings
Warning: Language, violence
Spoilers: Up through Season Two, "Something Borrowed", although this is an alternate take on the entire series. None really for "Man from U.N.C.L.E." although I have kept Illya's and Napoleon's retirement professions from "The Fifteen Years Later Affair."
Disclaimer: I don't own "Torchwood" or "Man from U.N.C.L.E.", just kinda playing a bit with them. 
Author's Note:  This is a prequel to my Torchwood Big Bang story, Torchwood Blues (LJ) (DW).  In that story, Jack and Ianto have had a CP for over a year, and this is about the events leading up to that Civil Partnership.  Since this is an Alternate Reality, certain things are different; for one thing, Gwen didn't break the Retcon in "Everything Changes" so she isn't a member of Torchwood;  Owen wasn't killed in "Reset"; and Diane Holmes didn't leave in "Out of Time" and is, in fact, in Torchwood.  As is Tish Jones, Martha's sister.  This is also a crossover with "Man from U.N.C.L.E.". 

Summary: Between alien interference, overprotective uncles, well-meaning teammates, and a disastrous stag do, how do Jack and Ianto cope with events leading up to their Civil Partnership?


Chapter Five

The Nightingale on the Phone Affair


“So…how did it go last night?”

Jack grinned.  “Pretty well, I think…although my ego took a bruising.”

Martha Jones’ laughter echoed down the connection.  “I didn’t think you’d notice something bruising an ego that large, Jack.”

He pouted, even though the expression was wasted since Martha couldn’t see it.  “This is the sympathy I get?  And here I thought you were my friend…”

“I am.  And as your friend it behooves me to tell you that you have an ego the size of the Moon.”

“Only the Moon?  I would have said Mars at least…and who even says ‘behooves’ anyway?”

Martha laughed again.  “Acknowledging that you have a problem is the first step in getting better.”

“Remind me again why I love you?”

“Because I’m beautiful, smart, funny…”

“You realize you’re also describing my future partner.”

“Just shows you have a type, Jack.”

It was Jack’s turn to laugh.  “You’re right.”

“Are you going to tell me just what bruised your ego last night then?”

He readjusted the position of his mobile against his ear, relaxing back into his office chair.  It was a slow day; through his window he could see Tosh at her station, and he knew she was running simulations on her new time lock program.  Owen was nowhere to be seen; if Jack had to guess, he was in the Autopsy Bay, catching up on the tests he was supposed to be running on the Weevil that they’d found dead last week, with no visible cause of death.  Diane was sitting at her desk, working at her computer; and he knew Tish was upstairs manning the Tourist Office. 

There was no sign of the one person he really wanted to see, but Jack knew he was down in the Archives, and casually used his free hand to begin a search through the CCTV.

“Well,” he answered, “I found out that Ianto’s Uncle Napoleon stole one of my girlfriends back in the 70’s…”

“Someone charmed a lady out from under you?” Martha sounded very amused indeed.  “I don’t believe it.”

“You don’t have to sound like you’re enjoying it!” Jack mock-huffed, even though he knew she couldn’t have missed the smile in his voice.

“Anything that takes the mighty Captain Jack down a peg!”

“You keep this up and I’m uninviting you to the ceremony!”

“I’ll just call Ianto, and he’ll re-invite me.”

“I think you like him better than you like me.” 

“Jack, you know that’s not true.”

He grinned.  “I wouldn’t blame you if you did, you know.”

“I love you both.  Now, what else happened last night?”

Jack found Ianto on the CCTV; he was down in the Archives, in sub-section 3A.  He had his jacket off, and his sleeves rolled up.  He looked sexily disheveled, and it was all Jack could do not to come up with an excuse to hang up with Martha and go and surprise his fiancé. 

“I admit it, I almost blew it, Martha.  I was so intent on impressing Ianto’s uncles that I wasn’t myself.”  He told her about how he’d been far too polite and far too tame, until Ianto had hauled him off to the mens’ and had talked some sense into him.

“Good for Ianto,” Martha said.  “He was right Jack.  You should always be yourself.”

“I know now.  And, once I relaxed, the evening went pretty well…at least, it seemed to.   I got along quite well with Napoleon…”

“And the other uncle…Illya, right?”

“Right,” Jack answered.  “Well, I like to think he was all right with me, but I got the distinct impression that he wasn’t all that fond of me.”  He couldn’t put his finger on it, but there’d been a distinctive chilliness in his behavior toward Jack.

“It’s probably one of those ‘No one is good enough for my nephew’ things.  I wouldn’t worry about it too much.”

“I’m sure you’re right.”  That would make sense.

“And I’m guessing they’re okay with the whole immortality thing?  You didn’t say, but if Uncle Napoleon knew of you back in the 70’s…”

“They seemed to be.”

“How did they find out?  Did either of them say?”

“Being ex-spies, they had their sources…which to me mean UNIT.  Although I really thought I’d gotten rid of all those records decades ago.”

“Let me go through what UNIT has, and see if I can’t do a bit of judicious editing.”

“No, Nightingale, let me get Alistair to do it.  He won’t get into trouble if he’s caught – “

Martha made a dismissive noise.  “Please.  Being a Companion gives me quite a bit of leeway.  If I come across anything I can’t handle, I’ll go to the Brigadier.”

She sounded certain, and Jack knew her well enough that he realized she’d do it anyway despite what he said.  “All right.  But I don’t want to have to come and get you out of a UNIT holding facility.  They aren’t pretty.”

“I’ll be careful.  Now, back to business.  Are you guys ready for the Jones clan to descend on you?  I know Mum’s looking forward to seeing you again, and to finally meeting Ianto.”

Jack chuckled.  “And you haven’t already filled her in?”

“Of course I have!  She just doesn’t believe me about how great he is.  She wants to see for herself.  Oh, and Ianto should expect the Talk.”

A warm feeling flushed his chest, touched that Francine would want to do that for him.  “Just so long as she doesn’t scare him off.”

“I doubt a Dalek invasion would scare Ianto away from you, Jack.”

That brought a full-blown laugh.  “But your mother is scarier than the Daleks when she wants to be!”

“Oi!  That’s enough out of you, Mister!” She was laughing as well.

“I mean that in a good way!”

“She just wants to look out for you.”

“I know, and you know I appreciate it.”  He did. The Jones family had practically adopted him after that Year, and Jack had almost forgotten what it had been like to have any sort of family around him.  

“Speaking of family…I’m sorry Jack, but I haven’t heard from the Doctor yet.  I’ve left messages on the mobile I left him…”

Jack’s heart sank.   “It’s fine…we’ve both tried…”

“It’s not fine!  He’s being an arse!”

“We don’t even know if the phone is with him.”

“Don’t even think about that, Jack.  I’ve been leaving messages for weeks, and you’ve been trying to reach him since before that.  He should have answered by now.”

He’d really wanted the Doctor to be at his ceremony.  Jack knew that Ianto wasn’t at all fond of the Time Lord, for lots of different reasons – all of them having to do with Jack – but his fiancé had accepted that Jack needed the Doctor in his life.   “He might yet show up.”

“Well, I wouldn’t count on him.  Besides you have us!  My family, and Ianto’s family, and the team…we’re all you need.  Plus the friends you’ve invited!  There are so many people who are happy for you both, Jack.  You don’t need an oblivious Time Lord to show up and bring an alien invasion with him!”

“Martha, have I told you lately that I love you?” He was touched by her words, and it just reminded him how much Martha meant to him.

“I’ll tell Ianto and Tom that you said that…”

“And you’re right…if the Doctor did show up, there’s no telling what sort of chaos he’d bring with him.  Ianto’s already nervous enough about what can go wrong.”  It still hurt that the Doctor hadn’t called them back, but Martha was right…there were too many people out there who loved both men. 

“Is he really that nervous?”

“Are you kidding?” Jack scoffed.  “He’s practically convinced that Armageddon is going to rain down on the day and bury Cardiff in death and destruction.”

“And here I thought he was the calm one!”

“Not this time!  It doesn’t help that Owen planned the actual stag do.”

“You two actually let Owen plan something?  Oh God, it’s going to be a disaster…”

Jack snorted.  “Well, at least he’s not Diane, who’s insisting that Ianto and I sleep apart the night before the ceremony.  She says it would be bad luck if we saw each other before the CP.”

“Mum wanted to know if you were going to go that traditional!”

“We haven’t decided yet.  Although personally I think we’re going to be so pumped on adrenaline the night before and not be able to sleep anyway.  Everyone should just let us work it all off and leave us alone.”

“Does this mean you two will want to leave the reception early then, if you don’t get to have sex the night before?” Her voice was teasing.

“C’mon, Martha…when haven’t I wanted to ravish Ianto?”

“Point to you, Harkness.  Listen, I’ve got a meeting coming up, so I’m gonna have to go.  But I should be at the train station tomorrow around 1pm.”

“Sounds good.  The family and Tom still coming down on Friday then?”

“That’s the plan.”

“Well, Ianto and I will be there to pick you up, Rift permitting.”

“Sounds good to me.  I’m really looking forward to meeting Ianto’s family.”

“We’re planning a big family dinner Friday night.  Everyone will either get along, or kill each other.  And I mean that literally when it comes to the two uncles.”

“You have plenty or Retcon ready then?”

“Don’t forget the body bags!”

Martha laughed.  “I’ll help with the clean-up then.  When’s the stag do?”

“Tomorrow night.  Thank Gods Owen didn’t plan it the night before the ceremony.  There was no way I was also going to babysit a bunch of hungover guests.”

“I want to see Ianto drunk.”

“It’s quite entertaining.  Just don’t get him around a karaoke machine!”

That sent Martha off into a fit of giggles.  “Got to go, Jack.  I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

“See you then, Nightingale.  Give everyone my love and tell them I can’t wait to see them.”

“Will do.  Give Ianto a hug for me.”

“As soon as I can chivvy him up out of the Archives I will.”

“Love you Jack.”

“You too, Martha.”

Jack flipped the phone closed, his eyes going back to the CCTV.  Ianto was still working away, and the immortal decided it was time to see if he could distract his lover from all those boring files…


It was apparent that Ianto didn’t even hear Jack until the older man had pressed him into the wall, his hands holding him by the waist and kissing him senseless, Jack’s growing hardness rubbing against his fiancé’s own burgeoning erection.

He let Jack ravish his mouth, then returned the favor.  Kisses went from slow and sweet, to hard and passionate, and back again, only breaking when air became necessary.  Jack could kiss Ianto all day, and he’d never get tired of it.

Eventually Jack pulled away.  “Damn, you’re the sexiest person I’ve ever met, Ianto Jones.  What you do to me…”

“I have a pretty good idea,” the younger man murmured, grinding his clothed cock against Jack’s.  He tangled one hand in Jack’s hair, the other grasping Jack’s arse and pulling him closer.  “We should really get some sort of bed down here if you insist on an afternoon quickie every day.”

“Never a quickie with you, Ianto.”

Blue eyes met blue eyes, and Jack felt such a rush of love it almost left him breathless. Once again, he wondered just what he’d done to deserve this man in his life, let alone him being willing to make a commitment to him for the rest of Ianto’s own life.

“Martha called,” Jack managed to say.

Ianto leaned forward, licking a line from the collar of Jack’s work shirt to just behind his ear, making Jack shiver.  “You got me all hot and bothered just because Martha called you?”

“Well, no…the hot and bothered part is a bonus.”  Jack was panting under Ianto’s talented mouth.  Gods, he knew exactly what drove Jack nuts.

He felt Ianto nibbling at his earlobe.  “Then let’s just forget about her for a while,” he whispered.  “Right now, I want you on your knees.”

Jack was quite happy to oblige. 



Great update - can't wait for a drunk and singing Ianto. Martha's MUm is scary. Looking forward to more.
There will be a stag do...although what happens at it...well, Owen's arranging it. I think you can guess some of it!
Really enjoying this :) Can't wait to see what Owen has planned for the stag do. Then there's Martha's comment .."You don't need an oblivious Time Lord to show up and bring an alien invasion with him!"...talk about tempting fate !!
Owen has plans all right...it's certainly going to be interesting, I promise you that!

Well, the summary does say "alien interference!"
oh yes..stag do..drunkenness and singing and strippers and singing and drunkenness and more strippers
Pretty much...but then, this is also Torchwood...!
Alien strippers? The doctor jumping out of a TARDIS shaped cake, wearing only his screwdriver, a bowtie and a fez? (oops wrong-ish doctor)
I can truthfully say that the Doctor won't be jumping out of a cake in this fic...although I can't promise it won't happen somewhere else. I've had the image of Eleven jumping out of a cake for a long time now... :)
Nice image! Eleven's a cutie! ;)
And I doubt he'd be embarrassed about popping out of a cake wearing just a bowtie!
Yeah, Ten didn't strike me as someone who'd do that sort of thing. Bummer...
Gulp! If the Doctor's not returning his calls something's gotta be wrong...

Owen's planning the stag 'do? Uh oh! I've give anything to see a drunken Ianto sing Karaoke! ;)

This reminds me a bit of teachwriteslash's Un-verse in how close Jack is to Martha's family. I can imagine after what they shared...

Great update! Can't wait to read the next chapter! :)
Or else the Doctor did something silly, like forgetting to charge it...you know how he is!

Yes, Owen's in charge of the stag do. We'll see what happens, but it's Owen after all...

I love Teach's Un-Verse. And I will say that Jack and Martha will always be BFF's in my universes (unless I have a really good reason for it).
I'm actually looking forward to writing the Ianto and Francine meeting. It's going to be an interesting family dinner...!

illya and francine jones meeting up has all the makings of an epic batlle of overprotective family- who will win?
Haha! Yes, that's an interesting question! We shall have to see... ;)
I love it!
Martha and her family who adopt Jack: Bravo!
I love the whole Jones family, and after what they all went through Francine would just have to adopt Jack.

Thanks so much!