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Myfanwy 2

October 2018



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Myfanwy 2

The Men from TORCHWOOD - Chapter Six

The Men from TORCHWOOD - Chapter Six
Author: Milady Dragon
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Jack/Ianto, Illya Kuryakin/Napoleon Solo; Tosh/Diane, Martha/Tom, other canon pairings
Warning: Language, violence
Spoilers: Up through Season Two, "Something Borrowed", although this is an alternate take on the entire series. None really for "Man from U.N.C.L.E." although I have kept Illya's and Napoleon's retirement professions from "The Fifteen Years Later Affair."
Disclaimer: I don't own "Torchwood" or "Man from U.N.C.L.E.", just kinda playing a bit with them. 
Author's Note:  This is a prequel to my Torchwood Big Bang story, Torchwood Blues (LJ) (DW).  In that story, Jack and Ianto have had a CP for over a year, and this is about the events leading up to that Civil Partnership.  Since this is an Alternate Reality, certain things are different; for one thing, Gwen didn't break the Retcon in "Everything Changes" so she isn't a member of Torchwood;  Owen wasn't killed in "Reset"; and Diane Holmes didn't leave in "Out of Time" and is, in fact, in Torchwood.  As is Tish Jones, Martha's sister.  This is also a crossover with "Man from U.N.C.L.E.". 

Summary: Between alien interference, overprotective uncles, well-meaning teammates, and a disastrous stag do, how do Jack and Ianto cope with events leading up to their Civil Partnership?


Chapter Six

The Family in the Hub Affair


“Ianto?” Tish’s voice came through his and Jack’s comms.  “Your uncles are up in the Tourist Office.”

Ianto touched the comm. in his ear.  “Thanks, Tish.  I’m on my way up.”  He sighed.  “Damn.  They’re early.”  He’d promised them a tour of the Hub, and had thought they’d be much later, visiting with Rhiannon.

He felt Jack’s weight leave his back, and he missed the warmth immediately.  He also missed the hard cock that had been seconds away from screwing him into the wall.   “Their timing sucks,” Jack added, “and not in a good way.”

“Out of the many things I’ve considered my uncles, I never would have thought to add cock-blockers to the list.”  Ianto turned, glancing at his lover.  Jack looked totally debauched, his lips swollen and his eyes dark with desire.  His clothes were a disaster, his trousers down around his ankles.

And Ianto knew he didn’t look any different. 

His uncles would know immediately what he’d been up to.

Which led him to the decision he made.

“Let ‘em wait,” he growled, pulling Jack closer and practically devouring the older man’s mouth.  From Jack’s eager reciprocation, the sentiment was shared by his fiancé.


Twenty minutes later, Ianto exited through the secret door into the Tourist Office.  The knowing look on Tish’s face told him that the quick tidying up that he’d done after their ‘session’ in the Archives hadn’t hidden a thing. 

Then there was the smirk the curled up the corner of his Uncle Napoleon’s mouth…and the disapproving frown that drew his Uncle Illya’s brows together.  Ianto was a bit bothered by that disapproval, but he put it behind him.  He was an adult, and he made his own decisions. 

“Sorry about that,” he said, even though he really wasn’t, “but Jack and I…were working in the Archives.”

“Is that what you’re calling it now?” Tish giggled.

“It’s better than Weevil hunting,” Ianto shot back.  “Which really is Weevil hunting, I’ll have you know.”  He and Jack knew better than to have sex with a Weevil locked up in the boot of the SUV.  They waited until they got home to burn off that after-chase adrenaline.

Besides, concrete burn on the sensitive areas was just plain embarrassing.

“If you say so!”  Tish was worse than Martha sometimes, with all the fangirling.

Ianto barely resisted the urge to stick his tongue out at her.  Instead, he turned his complete attention to his uncles.  “Did you enjoy your visit to Rhiannon’s?”

“It went all right,” Napoleon said, as Ianto ushered the pair through the secret door and down the corridor toward the lift.  “Although, I have to be honest and say I was glad that Johnny was at work today.  I still feel Rhiannon could have married better, but I suppose he makes her happy.”

“He does.” Ianto admitted.  “And that’s the most important thing.”  He wasn’t going to say that he thought Napoleon was right, because he was still unsure about just how his uncles viewed Jack.  Well, he was pretty certain that Napoleon liked his fiancé; it was his Uncle Illya he didn’t know about.  He did know that they only wanted the best for him, and all he had to do was convince them that was Jack.

He let them enter the lift first, then sent it downward.  Ianto thought it was going to be a quiet trip, but no such luck.

“Do you often have sex while at your place of work?” Uncle Illya asked bluntly.

Uncle Napoleon rolled his eyes.  “You have no right to be so disapproving.  After all, you’re the one who figured out how to loop the cameras in our office, back when we were with U.N.C.L.E. – “

Illya glared at his partner, although the effect was dampened by the blushing.

Ianto wanted to laugh, but managed to control himself.  “To answer your question, Uncle Illya: we don’t have sex in the Hub as much as we used to, when Jack actually lived here.  We do enjoy a fast-paced game of Naked Hide and Seek every once in a while though – “

Napoleon tried to hide his smile under his raised hand.  “Jack used to live here?”

“Yep.  Back in the days before we had remote Rift monitors, Jack always slept at the Hub, in case an alert came in overnight.  It helped that he doesn’t need all that much sleep.”  The lift doors slid open, and Ianto frowned at the odd clank that accompanied the action.  He’d have to take a look at the mechanism during his next maintenance check.  “But, ever since we moved in together, we don’t actually have sex here all that much.  I think this morning was just working off some nerves.”  He didn’t add that he knew Jack’s weaknesses, and seeing Ianto loosened up always had an effect on his lover.  Because, Ianto had no doubt that Jack had been spying on him with the CCTV, and to Jack the lack of jacket and rolling up of sleeves was almost as arousing as seeing Ianto completely naked.

“Pre-ceremony jitters,” Napoleon said. 

“Pretty much, yeah.”  Ianto turned the key to open the cog door, and it rolled open with the accompanying siren and lights.

“No one would be able to sneak in, that’s for sure,” his dark-haired uncle quipped as they stepped into the Hub.  “Well, this is impressive.”

Both of his uncles were taking in the Hub, and judging from the looks on their faces they were both impressed.  As if on cue, Myfanwy took the opportunity to fly overhead, letting out a loud cry as she caught the warm updraft that always seemed to rise off the Hub floor. 

“A pteranodon?” Illya asked, awestruck.  “You’d said something about catching one…”

“Myfanwy,” Ianto answered, smirking.  “Jack and I caught her.”

“I consider that our first date.”

Ianto looked up; Jack was on the upper gantry, hands resting on the rail as he grinned downward.  He threw Ianto a wink, then began to make his way to the main floor.  “Welcome to Torchwood,” he greeted as he moved lower.  “We don’t get a lot of visitors here…well, not that they remember, of course.”

“Do you have to be so dramatic?” Ianto snarked.

“Of course I do!”  Jack joined them, pulling Ianto to his side with one arm.  “If I wasn’t, you’d think I was possessed by an alien or something.”

“Does that happen very often?” Napoleon asked, offering Jack his hand.

Jack shook it.  “Nope, not very often at all.  Most of what we get here is either pretty minor…or apocalyptic.  In between it’s pretty dull.”

“Hours of boredom interspersed with seconds of sheer terror?”  Napoleon asked, understandingly.

“That’s a good way of putting it.  Come on, let’s introduce you to the rest of the team, then give you the grand tour.  You’ve already seen Myfanwy…”

Tosh was at her station, and Diane had joined her.  Ianto made the introductions, and his Uncle Illya smiled.  He spoke to Toshiko…in Japanese.

Tosh looked surprised, but eagerly answered back, also in Japanese.  She shot a glance at Ianto, as if asking why he hadn’t warned her about his uncle’s knowing her native language, and Ianto just shrugged, letting a small smile of his own answer her unspoken question.

“While they’re busy being rude,” Napoleon said gallantly, “may I say it’s a pleasure to meet you?” He took Diane’s hand and kissed it.

“And to meet you,” she answered, returning his smile. 

“Diane’s a field agent,” Ianto explained.  “She’s also become our expert in alien spaceships.  What she can’t fly, isn’t worth flying.”  He got Illya’s attention.  “And Diane…my uncle Illya is the one who took on Emma-Louise in London.”

That earned the man a smile a bit larger than the one Diane had graced Napoleon with.  “Then I should really thank you,” she said, shaking his hand.  “She and I became a bit close when we were stranded here.  I’m glad she’s been able to find a place.” 

Ianto knew that Diane kept up with Emma-Louise, her fellow Rift refugee, and wouldn’t waste an opportunity to thank the person who’d taken the girl in.

Illya smiled his slight, yet sincere, smile.  “Then you’re the Diane Emma speaks so highly of.  She’s quite an addition to the apprentice program, and her mentor hopes that we’ll see one of her designs at the upcoming Fashion Week in the spring.  She’s very talented.”

“Wait a second,” Owen interjected; Ianto hadn’t even noticed him join the group.  “Emma-Louise went to work for some big-shot fashion designer…”  It was interesting to watch him add two and two, and come up with the correct sum.  You’re the big-shot fashion designer?”  The glee in his voice wanted to make Ianto cringe.  “Tea Boy’s uncle makes dresses for a living?  That’s fucking priceless, that is!”

Ianto should have foreseen this, knowing Owen Harper as well as he did.  As he watched Illya’s face go completely stony and Napoleon’s expression look like he wanted to haul off and slug the medic, Ianto stepped forward to attempt to calm things down.  “Watch it,” he warned.  “That so-called dress maker can kill you in ways you can’t even imagine…and with his bare hands.  I’d be a bit more respectful if I were you.”

“Come off it,” Owen laughed.  “You’re making him out as some sort of ninja or something!”

“Not ninja,” Jack jumped in.  “Try ex-KGB, and ex-U.N.C.L.E.  Which, you’d have known if you hadn’t avoided anything that had to do with ceremony plans beyond the stag do.”

Owen opened his mouth to reply, but he was cut off before he could say anything.

“Did you just call my nephew ‘Tea Boy’?” Illya asked, his voice deadly low.

Perhaps inviting his uncles to visit the Hub had been a really bad idea…

“You should be more respectful to your betters,” Illya went on, moving to stand right into Owen’s personal space.

Ianto caught the exact moment Owen knew he was in trouble; his eyes went wide, and he immediately tried to hide his discomfiture.  “Tea Boy?” he scoffed, although he sounded somewhat unsure of himself and was obviously trying to hide it.  “Please.  He’s good at what he does, but there’s no way he’s better than me.”

And this was Owen Harper trying to bluff his way out of the hole he’d dug himself.

“I did warn him,” Jack murmured, trying to keep his laughter in check.

Ianto rolled his eyes, remembering Jack’s admonition about pissing off the relatives, back when they’d announced the CP and had begun the planning.   “Uncle Illya,” he said, wanting to put a stop to the train wreck this was fast becoming, “Owen’s a prat.  Killing him won’t change that, and it’ll leave us down a man.  I’ll just put him on decaf for the foreseeable future, and that should handle it.”

Illya didn’t move, but it was obvious he was paying attention.  “I’m sure I can teach him some manners,” he answered quietly, his Russian accent a bit thicker than usual.  It was intimidating, but if Ianto was any judge Napoleon was getting a bit turned on by the act.

Which disturbed him in a way, even though Ianto was well aware that the men had been having a sexual relationship for about three decades.  “As much as we’d all appreciate that, we don’t want him damaged.  I can keep him under control.”

“Like hell, Tea Boy!”  It would have been the slightest bit antagonistic but for the obvious squeak.

“Owen,” Ianto said patiently, “how many times do I have to tell you?  If you’re going to make up derogatory nicknames, the least you can do is get them right.  I’ve never served a cup of tea in all the time I’ve been here.  And, if you keep it up, it’s going to be instant decaf for you, plus I’ll block your internet access.”

“Looks like you’re putting that Computer Science degree to good use, nephew,” Napoleon drawled, sounding very amused indeed.

Ianto smirked.  “I try, Uncle Napoleon.”

“How about that tour?” Jack offered.  “I bet Tosh wouldn’t mind joining us, too.”

The tech expert looked inordinately happy.  “I’d love to!  I don’t know if you’ve kept up with the latest discoveries, Dr. Kuryakin – “

“It’s Illya, please,” he said, giving Owen a final glare then stepping away.  “And I’ve managed to read most of the newer scientific journals…”

Ianto internalized his sigh of relief, that things seemed to be diffusing a little.  He’d have to keep Owen away from his family, but he felt he was up to the task.

Besides, he meant his threats.  And, if Owen tested him, then he’d see just how far Ianto was willing to push back.

It might actually be fun, and might help him with his nerves a bit.



*giggles* Leave it to Owen to get on Illya's bad side! Poor Ianto trying not to let it be a huge disaster...

Loved the references to Out Of Time and learning that Emma is working for Illya. Also enjoyed Illya and Napoleon's banter with the girls. The lines about "weevil hunting" and "working in the archives" were cute. So funny that Jack and Ianto made the uncles wait while they had a quickie! LOL

Eagerly awating the next chapter! :)

Edited at 2011-02-06 12:40 am (UTC)
Well, you know...it's Owen! Just wait until the stag do...

And Jack and Ianto have their priorities!

Oh, I am so awaiting the stag do! What a comedy of errors that might turn out to be! ;D
You have no idea... *laughs maniacally*
Just saw you posted another On-verse story! *going there now* :D
Owen, you prat, do you have a death wish? Lucky for you Ianto stepped in to save your scrawny arse!
Great update!

But you know...it's Owen, but we love him anyway!
That's always the tricky bit of weddings/CP's...getting the relatives and friends to get along nicely...There are always a coupe who don't get along, not even for the time if the festivities..
Exactly. And we all know Owen, he loves to give the grief!

Has Owen never heard of UNCLE? He's asking for trouble and har to resist Jack. Love this story so much. Off to read the crack now.
He has, he just ignored it.

stag night with torchwood and uncle will be very interesting. hope someone has bail money?
I can truthfully agree with this statement. :)

Love it. Owen never learns.
If he did, it wouldn't be any fun! :)