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Myfanwy 2

October 2018



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Myfanwy 2

For Sale to the Highest Bidder - Chapter One

For Sale to the Highest Bidder - Chapter One
Author: Milady Dragon
Series: Dragon-Verse
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Jack/Ianto; Gwen/Owen
Warnings: Language
Spoilers: Up through S1 E9, "Random Shoes"
Disclaimer:  I don't own Torchwood, I would have treated it better.
Author's note:  Here is the Dragon-Verse version of "Random Shoes".  I have much dislike for this episode, so I pretty much gutted it.   There were just so many things wrong with it, I couldn't even re-watch it for research.  As usual, the dating is taken from several fan-made chronologies and from the TARDIS Index File.  Also, some of the information on the Dogon Sixth Eye also came from the TARDIS Index File.

Summary:  Ianto is interested in a Dogon Sixth Eye that's on sale on eBay, especially since it's Eugene Jones selling it...


4 December 2007


Well, this couldn’t be right.

Ianto Jones stared at his computer screen, puzzled by what it was showing him.   He sat back in his chair, chewing his thumbnail idly, and he kept his eyes on the eBay page as if glaring at it would change what it said.

Pushing his chair back, the dragon headed up to Jack’s office.  The door was open, which meant either Jack wasn’t busy, or he wanted to be interrupted.  From the files Ianto had taken in there just that morning, he was guessing the latter.  

And yes, his lover was seated behind his desk, twiddling a pen in his right hand, while his left ran through his hair roughly.  If Ianto had to guess, he would say that Jack had hit the requisition form that UNIT had sent over…

He cleared his throat, and the sound caused Jack to look up so fast he actually pulled his own hair.   Cursing in a language that Ianto didn’t understand, Jack took his hand from his head and grinned wryly.  “Have you come to save me from my own personal Hell?” he asked, almost begging.

“Actually,” the dragon said, coming to sit on the desk next to Jack’s chair, after moving another file, “I wanted to know if you’d been approached by Eugene Jones lately.”

Jack frowned.  “Not recently.  I think the last time was that hair dryer he thought was some sort of jetpack.”

Ianto nodded; that tallied with his own memory.  Most of the time, what Eugene managed to find was useless junk, but he knew enough to always ask Torchwood about it first. 

Eugene was one of the very few people out there who had more than a passing knowledge about what Torchwood was.  Usually he’d have been Retconned, but he’d proved useful at times, having contacts in the local science fiction community and knowing just how to keep his ear out for anything unusual showing up.  While he’d never fit into Torchwood itself, Eugene Jones was very keen on doing what he could to help. 

“What’s up with Eugene?” Jack asked. 

“Apparently, he has a Dogon Sixth Eye for sale on eBay.”

Jack’s eyebrows shot up.  “And he didn’t bring it to us first?”

“That was my first thought.”

Jack swiveled toward his computer, bringing up the latest internet scans.  Toshiko had set up a program that would, using a set of keywords, flag anything that might be of use to Torchwood.  Ninety-nine percent of what was found was a waste of time, but every once in a while something would turn up that would be of interest.

That was how Ianto had found the sale; it was his job to go through the nights’ findings, and see if mainframe had marked anything they should check out.  They’d really been keeping a lookout on eBay recently, with the spate of Sixth Eyes showing up since Canary Wharf.  Many of them had gone to buyers in Belgium, but Ianto knew for a fact that Henry Parker had also purchased one.  They weren’t dangerous really, but for Eugene to have bypassed Torchwood to put it up for sale…

“Yep,” Jack said.  “That’s a Sixth Eye all right.  And it’s getting some pretty heavy bidding.”

“I’d really like to know why Eugene put it up for sale, instead of bringing it to us.”

“You and me both.”  Jack leaned back, looking up at Ianto.  “I take it you want to go and talk to him?”

Ianto nodded.  “It’s pretty slow today, and I’d like to know if he suddenly has some issue with us.”

“And here I was going to send everyone home early, and get in some private time with my favorite dragon.”

“I thought I was your only dragon?”  Ianto teased.

Jack leered.  “Well, there’s that too…”

“Tell you what,” he said standing upright, “why don’t I make you a cup of coffee before I leave, and if you have that paperwork done when I get back we can…celebrate.”

“I like the way you think, Mr. Jones.”

“I hope that’s not the only thing you like about me.”

Jack’s eyes turned mischievous.  “There’s quite a list.”

Ianto chuckled.  “I should hope so.”  He leaned over, pressing a quick kiss to Jack’s lips.  “Back soon.”


Ianto arrived at Passmore Telesales just as shift was changing.    He sat in his car and waited, finally seeing Eugene and three others exiting the building.  The dragon recognized them as Eugene’s friends, from the background check they’d done when the young man had shown up on their doorstep looking to show them something alien he’d found. 

He watched as they separated, and Ianto got out of the car, walking toward Eugene.  He was seen almost immediately, and Eugene stopped in his tracks, confusion on his features.  “This is a first,” he said when Ianto was within earshot, “you lot have never come to me before.”

“Do you have a moment?” Ianto asked.

Eugene shrugged.  “Sure, got nothing else planned.  There’s a coffee shop just on the corner.”  He waved his hand down the street.

The aforementioned coffee shop was a Starbucks, and Ianto barely managed to bite his tongue on how he felt about them.  He ordered a smoothie instead of coffee, taking a seat at a table with Eugene, who’d bought the most expensive and most doctored-up coffee he could when he’d discovered that Ianto was buying. 

Ianto didn’t beat around the bush. “I wanted to talk to you about the alien eye you have up on eBay.”

Eugene spluttered into his coffee.   “You watching me, or what?”

The dragon didn’t answer, letting Eugene think what he wanted.

The young man let the silence lay there for a few seconds, then he blurted, “I woulda given you guys a chance, but that new bird of yours sent me away when I showed up a couple of days ago.   She told me you weren’t interested.”

Ianto frowned.  There was only one new ‘bird’ that he knew of.  “And you didn’t think to come to the Captain or I?”

Eugene shrugged.  “She’s one of yours; figured she knew what she was talking about.  Besides,” he grinned, “I’m getting tons of bids on it.  Got plans for that money!”

“What if I offered you more?”  Ianto really didn’t want to pay too much, but a part of him felt it was his fault in some way that Eugene had been turned away.  He hadn’t gone over that with Gwen, so she hadn’t known that the young man was a contact.  

“As far as I’m concerned,” Eugene said, standing, “you lot lost your chance.  I think I wanna wait and see what sort of bids I get for it.”

Talking his coffee, Eugene left, and Ianto sighed.  Jack was going to love this.


“Gwen!”  Jack called, leaning out of his office door and bellowing across the Hub.  “Get in here please.”

Ianto had been correct; Jack hadn’t been at all happy about what the dragon had said.  But, he was like Ianto, and really couldn’t blame Eugene for trying to sell it elsewhere when he’d been sent away.   In fact, he’d promptly put a bid in himself, which surprised Ianto; he hadn’t known that Jack had had an eBay account, although he certainly should have guessed.

“You wanted to see me?” Gwen asked, leaning into the office.

“Come on in and have a seat,” Jack invited.  He leaned back in his own chair, while Ianto had taken up a position against the cabinet behind the desk. 

Gwen did so, looking confused.  “What’s up?” she asked, curious.  She glanced between the pair of them, and Ianto couldn’t help but notice how the friendliness toward Jack changed to chilliness as those eyes rested on him.

“A couple of days ago,” Jack began, “were you approached by a young man saying he knew all about Torchwood?”

The woman looked thoughtful.  “Yeah, I seem to remember something like that happening when I was up at the pastry store getting donuts for the team.   This guy came up to me, told me he knew I was Torchwood, and saying that he had something we might be interested in.”

“What did you tell him?” Ianto asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Just that I didn’t know what he was talking about,” she answered, frowning.  “He seemed pretty harmless.”

“And you didn’t feel you needed to report it?”  Jack inquired, raising an eyebrow.

“We got that Weevil call out just as I was getting back,” she defended herself.  “Honestly, it just slipped my mind.”

“Anytime that happens, you need to tell either Ianto or I about it,” Jack said.   “Torchwood might be a really badly-kept secret in Cardiff, but if someone actually approaches you and says they know you’re with us, and then offers you something, we really need to know about it.”

“Like I said,” she repeated, “the kid seemed harmless.  Probably just some nutter who thinks he knows something, but doesn’t.”

Jack sighed.  Ianto could understand his frustration.  “Your judgment would be wrong in this case, Gwen.  That young man was Eugene Jones, and he’s a contact of ours.  He usually shows up when he finds something potentially alien that we might have missed coming through the Rift.  Sure, most of what he has is junk, but this time he had a very interesting item with him.  When you brushed him off and forgot to tell us, he put it up on eBay for sale.”

“It’s not entirely your fault,” Ianto hastened to add, as Gwen was opening her mouth to speak.  “We didn’t tell you about Eugene or the fact that members of the public will sometimes come forward with potential alien tech.  But, he could have also been someone who had it out for Torchwood, or someone wanting to infiltrate us, and we need to know of anything suspicious that might occur.  Something bad could have happened.”

Gwen looked like she was going to say something, but she simply nodded.  “You’re right, of course,” she answered.  “If it happens again, I’ll let you know.”

“Thank you, Gwen,” Jack said.

Ianto couldn’t believe it was that simple.  If he knew one thing about Gwen Cooper, was that she always had something to say, some rationalization that would cast herself in a better light.  Yet, in this case, she was acting perfectly agreeable. 

He was very tempted to pull his gun and demand to know what alien race this was, and what they’d done to the real Gwen Cooper.

“Can’t we get the tech from him?” she asked.  “Maybe appropriate it and then Retcon the man?”

No, this was Gwen all right.  Ianto felt distinctly relieved.

“In a case like this, no,” Jack answered.  “Too many people have seen the item, and while I’m sure Toshiko wouldn’t mind crashing eBay – “

“Because she’s evil that way,” Ianto smirked.

“ – it’s just too much to do in order to cover up one simple artifact,” Jack finished, rolling his eyes.  “The best thing for it would be to either bid for it ourselves, or wait to see who does buy it and get it from them.”

Ianto knew what he wanted to do: bid for the item.  Eugene might have been a bit flighty and too much into conspiracy theories but he was useful, and the last thing the dragon wanted to do was alienate – no pun intended – a potentially valuable resource.  And, if word got back to the same circles Eugene traveled in that Torchwood had treated him badly, a source of information could very well dry up.

Gwen might not have been aware of what Torchwood was before she came to work for them, but that didn’t mean others didn’t.

“That’s all, Gwen,” Jack dismissed her.  “You can get back to work.”

“Maybe I can help – “

“No, that’s not necessary,” the captain said.  “Ianto and I will take care of it.”

Gwen pouted, but she left the room.  “What do you want me to do?” Ianto asked, turning to his lover.

Jack put the tip of his pen in his mouth, clicking it absently against his teeth.  “Monitor the bids,” he finally said.  “I think getting it from the highest bidder is the best thing to do.   Once it’s been purchased and Eugene’s posted it, we can trace it back to where it’s going.  Then we can get it and Retcon the new owner.”

Ianto nodded.  It was the best plan they had.  “And what about Eugene?  If he gets a good price on the Eye, then chances are he might go straight to an online auction from now on.”

“We’ll have to think of a reason for him not to.  I don’t want to lose him, even though he’s more a hindrance than a help most of the time.  There’s that off-chance that he could have something valuable.”

“Like the Eye.”




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Why do I get the feeling Gwen is going to do something stupid?
I have to agree with cyberdigi, She is going to do something to put them in danger!
Oh yes, Jack would love the thrill of bidding on Ebay.
He would! Can't you see him bidding for World War II memorabilia? No sex toys though, because I can see him only buying those through accredited websites. LOL!
I have such a bad feeling about what Gwen is going to do next. Probably create an even bigger mess that Ianto & Jack will have to clean up.
Please, can Ianto just singe her a little bit?
Oh dear, I'd say poor Gwen but she brings it on herself.

Does it had to be physically singe? Can it be verbally? Cause that could very well happen later on... *laughs*
Hah - love that Ianto thought Gwen might have been alien because she wasn't acting like her normal self!

Let's see if it goes to plan, they get the eye, and keep Eugene as a useful, if slightly annoying contact...

Or if Gwen steps in and bollocks' up the entire deal.
Well, he has a point. *grins*

That might happen... or it might not.

That, too. I can say nothing. You'll see tomorrow. :)
Oh god. Gwen's going to try and fix her fuck up, isn't she? This has disaster written all over it.
Everyone seems to think Gwen's gonna mess this up...

Can't say anything, sorry. *grins*
This was the most boring and pointless ep and I'm glad you're ripping it to shreds. :)
It's an absolutely horrible episode. The best thing about it was Eugene, and he was dead.

It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it. *grins*
Well Gwen's behaviour is a little suspicious isn't it? We'll have to see what happens there! I think it's nice that Eugene is treated with some respect, after all he is a nice character and deserves more than complete dismissal. I like your take on Random Shoes which is not my most favourite episode. Well Done.
I agree with everything you said but wanted to point out that her highhandedness with Andy (everyone) was shown even before she joined Torchwood.
this is the gwen of canon. she rants to jack about his treatment of people but how long was she with torchwood before she started acting highhanded towards andy. then there is gwen ranting that retcon is bad unless the use of retcon serves gwen's purposes and then no harm no foul,cough rhys cough. ianto is right gwen is most dangerous when is acting reasonable.
I know. I completely agree with you. And I think you'll enjoy the coda for Combat I have written, as for that particular act. *laughs evilly*
Nice detail about obedient!Gwen being an alien!
I suspect now Gwen will track poor Eudgene and try to interrog... erm... ask him all about Jack.
Well, I'd be searching for the pod too if Gwen was too reasonable.

Next up shortly. :)
Urgh, Gwen is so dumb. She really needs to be sat down and told, if you make one more mistake you are gone. Ok I might be taking it a bit far but if she looks at Ianto funny one more time then I think I'll fire and retcon her myself.

O-kay, having delusions again. Reminds self, Torchwood, NOT REAL!

Sigh, that message doesnt seem to be getting through.

Anyway i think I'll return to the land of sanity and say, brilliant chapter hun, can't wait for the next one. ^_^
Gwen gets hers. Trust me. She will be called on her behavior...just not in this story. *winks*

What do you mean, Torchwood's not real?? *screams*

Thanks! Next up in a bit. :)
Great MD now what will Gwen do - probably something she shouldn't. Looking forward to more.
Thanks! I love it, everyone thinks the worst of Gwen. I'd say I'd done my job properly, but that's just the way she was in canon anyway so I can't take credit. *laughs*

More up later today!
I'm pleased this is a complete re working of that episode as I agree, it really is a weak one. Good start, and I like this Eugene.
Thanks! I just couldn't leave it the way it was. Glad you liked it so far!
I don't understand why Random Shoes gets such a bad rap. It's a fave of mine. I've always seen Eugene as "one of us", on the outside of TW looking in, wanting desperately to be part of the team. Eugene is us!

And I liked(hides behind furniture, ducks thrown rotten fruit) Gwen in this epi, because the life of a common dweebie guy mattered to her. She took Eugene's fate to heart.

Naturally, this fic's Gwen is a severe pain in the derriere. And I think she is capable of any self serving nasty plan. This fic's Gwen cares for no one but herself. Mayhem will ensue. Sadly, Ianto is not allowed to singe off her eye brows. Too bad.
I'm sorry... I hate it when I dislike an episode someone else likes. *hugs*

I do hope you like my interpretation to some extent.

It's like Jack and Ianto are the parents and Gwen is their troubled teenage daughter. It's amusing.
LOL! Oh dear, that's so true! *snickers*
I think the point being made that Gwen was so supportive of Eugene in this episode could possibly be one of the reasons why a lot of people don't like this one. If this was consistently her attitude and behavior pattern it would make her so much more likable.

This episode though goes so far over board on that, it just makes it glaringly obvious how unlike her this is. It is so over the top with sugar coated, compassionate, over-protective heroin Gwen, willing to fight anyone and everyone to stand up for the rights of the common people, it comes across as disingenuous, and just plain annoying. It has the smell of RTD, shoving her in our faces, showing us how wonderful she is, all over it. One episode out of twenty six isn't going to do it.

Enough said!

Just a thought...you know the part where Eugene tackles her from in front of the oncoming car?
I have to agree with you. It also threw into perspective just how Gwen treated strangers, compared with her teammates. Because it's almost completely opposite.

Well, that scene doesn't happen in my canon... *winks*
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