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Myfanwy 2

September 2018



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Wagering Against Death

Wagering Against Death
Author: Milady Dragon
Series:  Armageddon-Verse
Rating: PG
Pairing(s): Jack/Ianto
Warnings: None really 
Spoilers: Well, if you haven't seen "Star Wars" then you might want to avoid it.
Disclaimer:  I don't own Torchwood, I would have treated it better.  I don't own "Star Wars" either, and if I had I wouldn't put out a new version every other year.
Author's note:  Well, it came to my attention that I wrote this ages ago, during WrianoJune in fact, and I never actually posted it.  I was reminded by bookwrm89  when she made me the awesome Armageddon-Verse icon (she made me others, which will be making appearances as well).  This was written for the Long Live Ianto Cliche Bingo Challenge Prompt:  Crossover: Movies.

Summary:  Just another day for Death and War, wagering on an epic space battle in a galaxy far, far, away. 

“You know, I should really be frowning on you and War for betting on the outcome of these.”

Death didn’t even turn, but Jack could sense the smirk from a galaxy away.  “Then you wouldn’t get the benefits of when I win.”

Apocalypse laughed, sliding his arms around Ianto’s waist and pulling him close, avoiding the overhanging scythe with the ease of centuries of practice.  He looked out over his shoulder, toward the space battle that was raging nearby.  “Where is John, anyway?”

“He’s on the rather large space station,” Ianto answered, snuggling back a little, “exhorting his side on to victory.  Not that they can see him, of course.”

Jack saw the space station; he couldn’t help but notice it, since it was the size of a small moon, and even the cloud of fighters dancing around it couldn’t conceal just how big it was.  “So, you’re betting on the other side?”

His lover nodded.  “They’re the ones in the x and y-shaped fighters.  They have a base on the moon on the other side of that gas giant, there.”  He pointed, but Jack also couldn’t miss the large red planet that hung against the starry background like some sort of malevolent voyeur.

“And they’re going against a fully-armed space station with just fighters?”  Jack was impressed by the simple balls it took to do that.  “You just love betting on the underdogs.”

Apocalypse watched as the rebel fighters were destroyed, one by one, by both the sheer firepower of the space station, and by the twin-winged fighters that had been launched from the station’s flight bays. “Are those ion engines?” he asked, letting his love for all sorts of flying machines come to the fore.

“I think that’s what they were called,” Ianto answered.  “John would know more about it than I would.”

“So, tell me about the conflict.”  He wasn’t all that interested, to be honest, but any excuse to stand there all day, cuddled up to his Death, was a good one.

“The space station is the Empire.  They’ve been in power for about 25 years, after overthrowing the former Republic.  The moon is the Rebel base, and even I admit they’re way outgunned.”

“And you’re still betting on them?  I thought you only went for the sure things.”  Jack was well aware of his lover’s propensity to gamble only if he knew he was going to win.

“The object of the battle is whoever destroys the other wins.  Space station has a planet-buster weapon, and the Rebels have…well, they have a Jedi Knight, which is some sort of pseudo-religious order which was killed out a long time ago.  Of course, the Empire has one too.”

Apocalypse whistled softly, careful not to deafen Ianto.  Relying on something like that was often asking for trouble.  “Are they thinking this Jedi Knight can blow up that station just by praying about it?”

Ianto snorted.  “That would just be silly.  No, the Jedi can tap into the Universal Force.”

“Well, you don’t see that every day.”  He was impressed despite himself.  That would give anyone an almost Celestial-like power.  He’d have to check on it some more, and see if they were due to have any new Celestials joining their ranks at some point.

As they watched, the space station – which Ianto informed him was called, rather ostentatiously, the Death Star – got closer, and the moon – Yavin Four – orbited right into its sights.  Finally, Jack sighed.  “This is about as exciting as watching paint dry.”

“It would probably be better if we could get sound effects,” Ianto agreed.  “Popcorn?” he offered, holding up a large plastic bowl about half full.

Jack declined, not wanting to release his grip around Ianto’s waist.  He’d been in meetings all day, and thought maybe a slow motion space battle was more exciting than listening to Good and Evil flirt shamelessly with each other.

Although it had been hilarious watching Chaos get all bent out of shape over it.  Everyone knew that River Song and Good had had a ‘thing’ and that she had a tendency to become irate when he showed interest in anyone else.  Personally, Jack thought Good did it on purpose.

 “I’ll be busy enough in a few minutes,” Ianto went on.  “Either way it turns out, there will be quite a few souls to Reap today.”

“And here I was going to suggest we go back to mine and get naked.”  He hadn’t really, but it was fun to wind Ianto up.

“Maybe later.”  Death leaned back a little more, and managed to peck Jack lightly on the corner of the mouth. 

“Hey!”   Both turned to look at War, who was glaring at them.  “None of that if you’re not gonna share.”

Just for that, Apocalypse spun Death around, and planted a very wet, very sloppy, and very hot kiss on him, using plenty of tongue.  Popcorn flew everywhere, the momentum given it carrying it light years through the frictionless vacuum of space until, one day, a piece was found by a primitive race that decided it was some sort of gift from one of their gods and decided to worship it.

They broke for air, just in time for the space station to explode in a very quiet, yet impressive, shower of debris.

“I’ve just seen fireworks,” Ianto deadpanned.                                                                              

War cursed.

Jack laughed.  “Haven’t you learned yet that you shouldn’t bet against Ianto?  He always wins.”

Death straightened his clothes, stepping out of Jack’s arms.  Apocalypse was instantly disappointed.  “And now, I’m off to work.  John, pay Donna, and she’ll make sure I get it.  Jack, I’ll see you later.”  He winked saucily, then vanished.

Bless the Universe, but he loved his Death.

“It’s bloody unfair,” John groused, “that the two hottest guys in the Department are hooked up.”

 Jack smirked; both at being called hot and that he had, indeed, hooked up with the most gorgeous guy in Armageddon.   “I’m sure there’s someone out there for you,” he soothed, trying really hard not be sound smug.

War stared at him for a second, then got a faraway look in his eyes.  “You know, I was wondering what that Darth Vader guy looked like under all that black armor…”

With an insouciant salute, John winked out, his grin fading last as if he were some sort of warrior Cheshire Cat.

Shaking his head, Apocalypse looked out over the destruction, then headed back to the office.  Death would have everything under control, and he’d make certain Ianto was well-rewarded for such diligence.

Besides, he wanted to know just how much John had lost on that bet…


LMAO!!!!! The nachos were out in full force on this one, weren't they? Love it!!

I'm so glad you liked the icon, too. That was fun to make!
Oh, those nachos can't be blamed for everything! *winks*

I love the icon! It's brilliant! I love the one you used on this comment, too. I really want Ianto to say that! Although it would probably melt my brain. LOL!
LOL RotS will never be the same again.

I have soooo got to put this series on my Kindle
See, when George Lucas made his Director's Cut, he deliberately cut out the part where War flirts outrageously with Darth Vader. I'm not sure why. *winks*

Loved this!
Thank you! :)

Edited at 2011-10-09 11:29 pm (UTC)
I've come to love this series as much as your dragon 'verse series. It's certainly a lot of fun, and this was truly brilliant!
Thanks! Glad you liked it. :)
Love this verse to bits!!!!!! and john should know better that Ianto knows everything and he always wins!!!
Thanks! Of course he does! :)
This is the best thing ever. I am unfamiliar with Star Wars, but who doesn't know that bit?
And Death/Apocalypse is epic and adorable at the same time
Thanks! You don't know "Star Wars"? I thought everyone did... :)

I don't know how you do it - this verse is fantastic (as they all are from you). Just the very concept of Death, War and Armaggedon - it's brilliant. Mixing it with Star Wars though - absolute genius. :D

Honestly, you just know they were hanging around, eating popcorn and criticizing the action during the entire debacle. Much like we do now that GL keeps poking his sticky fingers back into the pie.
It's nachos really late at night. Honestly. It does things to the plot bunnies that are obscene. *laughs*

Hee hee! Oh yes, just like GL! :)
Oh I love this verse! Who would ever bet against Ianto? Silly John! lol

Never bet against Death, John will never learn. :)
haha, brilliant! I love this verse! :D The worshipped Popcorn cracked me up LOL
Thanks! Popcorn really should be worshipped! *grins*
What's not to worship about popcorn..
Happy to see this verse again!
Ianto always wins (and HE never cheats!)
Exactly! Especially with lots of butter on it!

He does! And he doesn't have to cheat, because he's just that good. *nods*
Loved this as always - great combination.
Thanks a lot! :)
Wonderful Loved it. Loved that Icon too!!!!!
Thanks hon! It's a great icon, isn't it?? Wait'll you see the Dragon-Verse one!
I love Ianto as Death. It just makes so much sense. I would think that everyone would know that in the end, death always wins... poor John really is simple. After all the serious stuff going down over in the dragon-verse, it is always nice to read something bordering on the ridiculous and have a good laugh. Well Done! :)
Thanks! He really is perfect as Death, isn't he? And yes, John is never going to win. *laughs*

Yeah, just a break from the angst. Glad you liked it!
“I’ve just seen fireworks,” Ianto deadpanned.


What a fun piece. You'd think that John would know better than to bet against Ianto. Silly boy.
LOL! Well, it's John, you know... :D

I adore this verse, I love this fic and I love your icon. The scythe. OMG I've been trying to ignore my reel torchwood star wars bunny and you've just made it that much harder with this fic. Pouts. I really should be working on Moulin Rouge but I wanna go and do the star wars one. Sigh. I'll never get that fic finished.

Grins, can we find out what John lost on that bet? Since it's Ianto I've got a funny feeling it ain't cash that he's won. lol.
Glad you like it, the story and the icon. Oops??

You know, I think leaving that to everyone's imagination is best. LOL!